I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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