How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
