Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
