no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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