so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
