i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
