K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
