is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
