Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
