dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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