Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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