You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
