Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dignity is for republicans.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
