I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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