If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Everclear isn't food dammit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
