He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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