I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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