I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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