He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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