So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
