oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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