Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
