Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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