i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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