i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
