I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
