Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
