I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
