i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
