OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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