If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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