Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
