why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
