is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
