hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
