Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
