I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
