Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
