I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
