You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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