how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
