If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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