it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
