Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
