onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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