so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
