btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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