Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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