I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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