...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She bit a glass in half.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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